Help!!

Oh Lord! Help us see the Truth
Help us pass through this storm
Created by our own faults
Our shortcomings and negligence
On that which is our bread

We bow before Thee for Your help
To make us yearn for Knowledge
To see through this misery
The light of a better tomorrow

A company of learned people
Yet groping in the dark
Our miserable scene
We ourselves have walked into

Help us see the light
Help us cross this time
Help us be ever prepared
To see through ignorance
And have energy to succeed

Help us oh Lord, You are all this
I am.... Sat Chit Ananda

The purpose of existence

I read recently that the human brains potential is the cause for the human problems. We as a species have been searching for something and have always been unsatisfied no matter what we do and we keep pushing the limits to find a solution to the problem. So goes the rattle...

What the hell are we searching for...?

Happiness? Fame? Control? Overlordship? A bit of everything I guess ...

I have been trying to define what I wanted in life for almost 8 years now and I havent got anywhere... I am still doing what most people do.. live

Still there is something missing! Satisfaction..

I guess thats why I write all these nonsense here on the blog to see whether I have changed.. The more I write the more I am recoding the fact the satisfaction is missing...

The more I am delving into this subject of search the more I seem to be clear that the purpose of life is simple and I am only complicating it by trying to be someone else. ..

existence ... is common factor, consciousness is a common factor

but satisfaction, happiness, aananda?? is always there around but not with oneself... I guess then the search is only for aananda.

Some say follow your dream, I have been trying to figure out what it is and it seems to be non-existent. I feel that the whole world itself is my dream and I just want it to stop.

Atleast thats what I feel now.. If I were more successful or more someone else I dont know what I will feel, but what I know now is this.

The only place to turn now is inwards and figure out if this common factor consciousness and existence is what all is inside and then to evolve the ananda around as an extension of the sat and chit. I hope I am right...

Om Tat Savitr Varenyam
Bhargho Devasya Dhimahi
Dhiyo yonaf prachodayat

Om Tat Sat

Parents and children

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/01/21/on-a-mental-institution/comment-page-3/#comment-641170

Paulo Coelho

When I was young, my parents sent me to a mental institution three times ( 1966, 1967, 1968). The reasons in my medical files are banal. It was said that I was isolated, hostile and miserable at school. I was not crazy but I was rather just a 17-year-old who really wanted to become a writer. Because no one understood this, I was locked up for months and fed with tranquilizers. The therapy merely consisted of giving me electroshocks. I promised to myself that one day I would write about this experience, so young people will understand that we have to fight for our own dreams from a very early stage of our lives.

When I realeased “Veronika decides to die”, a book that was a metaphor of my experience in a lunatic asylum, the press started asking me if I forgave my parents. In fact, I did not need to forgive them, because I never blamed them for what happened. From their own point-of-view, they were trying to help me to get the discipline necessary to accomplish my deeds as an adult, and to forget the “dreams of a teenager” .

Khalil Gibran has an excellent text about parents and children:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Is there light within darkness? Should I...

Should I throw myself into the battlefield
To overcome this fear of longing
Should I turn myself into an ascetic
To overcome this constant yearning

Seek and Ye shall find
Has been told by the ancients
And I feel I have saturated my passion
To continue in this meaningless search

The outside seems to hold fewer answers
The results sought outside being temporary
The inside seems to be deep and dark
And inward I have never turned myself

Dip the intellect into this unknown well
Dark and deep is the silence within
Raising doubts on my own sanity
I have wantonly stayed away from delving ..

A time has come now today
Where words hold no meaning
Without my interpretions
And I know not whats mine
Without knowing whats deeper within

Where from this audacity
I know not
For I question whats been told
I know not
Whether these noises
Are Intution or my foolishness
Attributed to my past

I wont know for sure
Unless I seek inwards now
And mine these dark insides
For answers I have sought
To the eternal problem of life

I can see below a trace of light
At a distance I cannot judge
Something within me speaks again
That she is You who looked inside

I close my eyes and jump inside
Holding my breath
And all my thoughts
I pray I have taken the right steps
In this adventure for Immortal Life

I pray to Thee to direct me
I pray to Thee for Your Knowledge I seek
Your answer baffles me more than ever
For all I hear is I am Thee

Tat Tvam Asi

I jump...

Asato Ma Sat Gamaya
Tamaso Ma Jyotir Gamaya
Mrityor Ma Amritam Gamaya

Om Tat Sat

Guruguha The teacher in the cave of my heart

Guruguha The teacher in the cave of my heart
He holds his spear high
His smile brilliant
His poise fearless
His eyes loving
And His hand outstretched to receive me

May You bless me Oh Lord
Muruga Shanmuga Gurupara
Vadivela You are called
Who knows what name pleases You
Yet I know my heart yearns for You

Son of God You are
May this brilliance of Yours
Burn this Identity away in You
May Your Love enhance every thought
Into its full nature of Love
And I shall merge in Thee

What more do I seek
This reminder in my mind persists
In between this yearning for You
What this is I am not sure
May you enlighten me Oh Lord

Asato ma Sat Gamaya
Tamaso ma Jyotir Gamaya
Mrityor ma Amritam Gamaya

Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanthihi

Om Tat Sat

Man of Knowledge - Teachings of Don Juan

Saturday, {Sunday?} 8 April 1962
In our conversations, don Juan consistently used or referred to the phrase “man of knowledge”, but never explained what he meant by it. I asked him about it.

“A man of knowledge is one who has followed truthfully the hardships of learning,” he said.
“A man who has, without rushing or without faltering, gone as far as he can in unravelling the secrets of power and knowledge.”
“Can anyone be a man of knowledge?”
“No, not anyone.”
“Then what must a man do to become a man of knowledge?”
“He must challenge and defeat his four natural enemies.”
“Will he be a man of knowledge after defeating these four enemies?”
“Yes. A man can call himself a man of knowledge only if he is capable of defeating all four of
them.”
“Then, can anybody who defeats these enemies be a man of knowledge?”
“Anybody who defeats them becomes a man of knowledge.”
“But are there any special requirements a man must fulfill before fighting with these
enemies?”
“No. Anyone can try to become a man of knowledge; very few men actually succeed, but that is only natural. The enemies a man encounters on the path of learning to become a man of knowledge are truly formidable; most men succumb to them.”
“What kind of enemies are they, don Juan?”
He refused to talk about the enemies. He said it would be a long time before the subject would make any sense to me. I tried to keep the topic alive and asked him if he thought I could become a man of knowledge. He said no man could possibly tell that for sure. But I insisted on knowing if there were any clues he could use to determine whether or not I had a chance of becoming a man of knowledge. He said it would depend on my battle against the four enemies—whether I could defeat them or would be defeated by them—but it was impossible to foretell the outcome of that fight.
I asked him if he could use witchcraft or divination to see the outcome of the battle. He flatly stated that the result of the struggle could not be foreseen by any means, because becoming a man of knowledge was a temporary thing. When I asked him to explain this point, he replied:
“To be a man of knowledge has no permanence. One is never a man of knowledge, not really. Rather, one becomes a man of knowledge for a very brief instant, after defeating the four natural enemies.”
“You must tell me, don Juan, what kind of enemies they are.”
He did not answer. I insisted again, but he dropped the subject and started to talk about something else.

Sunday, 15 April 1962
As I was getting ready to leave, I decided to ask him once more about the enemies of a man of knowledge. I argued that I could not return for some time, and it would be a good idea to write down what he had to say and then think about it while I was away.
He hesitated for a while, but then began to talk.
“When a man starts to learn, he is never clear about his objectives. His purpose is faulty; his intent is vague. He hopes for rewards that will never materialize, for he knows nothing of the hardships of learning.
“He slowly begins to learn—bit by bit at first, then in big chunks. And his thoughts soon clash. What he learns is never what he pictured, or imagined, and so he begins to be afraid.
Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task, and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly. His purpose becomes a battlefield.
“And thus he has tumbled upon the first of his natural enemies: Fear! A terrible enemy— treacherous, and difficult to overcome. It remains concealed et every turn of the way, prowling, waiting. And if the man, terrified in its presence, runs away, his enemy will have put an end to his quest.”
“What will happen to the man if he runs away in fear?”
“Nothing happens to him except that he will never learn. He will never become a man of knowledge. He will perhaps be a bully or a harmless, scared man; at any rate, he will be a defeated man. His first enemy will have put an end to his cravings.”
“And what can he do to overcome fear?”
“The answer is very simple. He must not run away. He must defy his fear, and in spite of it he must take the next step in learning, and the next, and the next. He must be fully afraid, and yet he must not stop. That is the rule! And a moment will come when his first enemy retreats. The man begins to feel sure of himself. His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task.
“When this joyful moment comes, the man can say without hesitation that he has defeated his first natural enemy.”
“Does it happen at once, don Juan, or little by little?”
“It happens little by little, and yet the fear is vanquished suddenly and fast.”
“But won’t the man be afraid again if something new happens to him?”
“No. Once a man has vanquished fear, he is free from it for the rest of his life because, instead of fear, he has acquired clarity—a clarity of mind which erases fear. By then a man knows his desires; he knows how to satisfy those desires. He can anticipate the new steps of learning, and a sharp clarity surrounds everything. The man feels that nothing is concealed.
“And thus he has encountered his second enemy: Clarity!
That clarity of mind, which is so hard to obtain, dispels fear, but also blinds.
“It forces the man never to doubt himself. It gives him the assurance he can do anything he pleases, for he sees clearly into everything. And he is courageous because he is clear, and he stops at nothing because he is clear. But all that is a mistake; it is like something incomplete.
If the man yields to this make-believe power, he has succumbed to his second enemy and will fumble with learning. He will rush when he should be patient, or he will be patient when he should rush. And he will fumble with learning until he winds up incapable of learning anything more.”
“What becomes of a man who is defeated in that way, don Juan? Does he die as a result?”
“No, he doesn’t die. His second enemy has just stopped him cold from trying to become a man of knowledge; instead, the man may turn into a buoyant warrior, or a clown. Yet the clarity for which he has paid so dearly will never change to darkness and fear again. He will be clear as long as he lives, but he will no longer learn, or yearn for, anything.”
“But what does he have to do to avoid being defeated?”
“He must do what he did with fear: he must defy his clarity and use it only to see, and wait patiently and measure carefully before taking new steps; he must think, above all, that his clarity is almost a mistake. And a moment will come when he will understand that his clarity was only a point before his eyes. And thus he will have overcome his second enemy, and will arrive at a position where nothing can harm him any more. This will not be a mistake. It will not be only a point before his eyes. It will be true power.
“He will know at this point that the power he has been pursuing for so long is finally his. He can do with it whatever he pleases. His ally is at his command. His wish is the rule. He sees all that is around him. But he has also come across his third enemy: Power!
“Power is the strongest of all enemies. And naturally the easiest thing to do is to give in; after all, the man is truly invincible. He commands; he begins by taking calculated risks, and ends in making rules, because he is a master.
“A man at this stage hardly notices his third enemy closing in on him. And suddenly, without knowing, he will certainly have lost the battle. His enemy will have turned him into a cruel, capricious man.”
“Will he lose his power?”
“No, he will never lose his clarity or his power.”
“What then will distinguish him from a man of knowledge?
“A man who is defeated by power dies without really knowing how to handle it. Power is only a burden upon his fate. Such a man has no command over himself, and cannot tell when or how to use his power.”
“Is the defeat by any of these enemies a final defeat?”
“Of course it is final. Once one of these enemies overpowers a man there is nothing he can do.”
“Is it possible, for instance, that the man who is defeated by power may see his error and mend his ways?”
“No. Once a man gives in he is through.”
“But what if he is temporarily blinded by power, and then refuses it?”
“That means his battle is still on. That means he is still trying to become a man of knowledge. A man is defeated only when he no longer tries, and abandons himself.”
“But then, don Juan, it is possible that a man may abandon himself to fear for years, but finally conquer it.”
“No, that is not true. If he gives in to fear he will never conquer it, because he will shy away from learning and never try again. But if he tries to learn for years in the midst of his fear, he will eventually conquer it because he will never have really abandoned himself to it.”
“How can he defeat his third enemy, don Juan?”
“He has to defy it, deliberately. He has to come to realize the power he has seemingly conquered is in reality never his. He must keep himself in line at all times, handling carefully and faithfully all that he has learned. If he can see that clarity and power, without his control over himself, are worse than mistakes, he will reach a point where everything is held in check.
He will know then when and how to use his power. And thus he will have defeated his third enemy.
“The man will he, by then, at the end of his journey of learning, and almost without warning he will come upon the last of his enemies: Old age! This enemy is the cruellest of all, the one he won’t be able to defeat completely, but only fight away.
“This is the time when a man has no more fears, no more impatient clarity of mind—a time when all his power is in check, but also the time when he has an unyielding desire to rest. If he gives in totally to his desire to lie down and forget, if he soothes himself in tiredness, he will have lost his last round, and his enemy will cut him down into a feeble old creature. His desire to retreat will overrule all his clarity, his power, and his knowledge.
“But if the man sloughs off his tiredness, and lives his fate through, he can then be called a man of knowledge, if only for the brief moment when he succeeds in fighting off his last, invincible enemy. That moment of clarity, power, and knowledge is enough.”

Dance with Kali

She whirls around me
Threatening and frightening
Every cell in my being
With her tongue outstretched

Her eyes breathe fire
And I could sense her breath
Every step I try to take
Her swords thrusts deeper in my throat

The world around me spins
And with it my logic and reason
Seem to twist and turn into noise
And I slowly get the feeling of madness

Have I become greedy
Have I suddenly become numb
Am I a failure or a loser
To have succumbed to the fear within

Blood splashes around me
As my senses whirl without direction
Signals i feel move within
In a meaningless blizzard of confusion

I seek meaning of all this
I seek to clear the air
I seek peace and tranquility
And she tears my confidence away

Stripped of wealth and knowledge
She has brought me to Your feet
Oh Shiva You are the Tamer of Kali
Into Gauri she transforms with Your gaze

I seek Thee for peace
Within without and beyond
I seek to see Your dance Oh Shiva
Allow this Divine vision to me

She dances on You Oh Lord
Your dance is mightier than hers
May I witness Your dance
As Your holy feet I seek for peace

I know not what desire drives me
I know not what result I wish
To possess and enjoy her all
I have invited her wrath upon me

I know not what is right from wrong
I just know now of You
You the Divine dancer in me
You who churn the world as Kali

Tavmeva mata cha Pita Tavameva
Tvameva bandhuscha saka Tvameva
Tvameva vidya dravinam Tvameva
Tvameva sarvam mama Deva Deva

May You manifest in Me

Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanthihi
Om Tat Sat

Prayer

As I search for answers within
I seem to bleed my life
Of its juice to live

As the search moves from physical
To the mental plane
And to the nooks of memory
The dirt from within has started
To expose itself
To manifest in forms and shape
Tangible yet without invoking fear

Should I accept fate for what it is
Or should i fight this head on
Will a logical decison be termed evasive
Or should i foolishly carry on the fight

My soul searching and greed fulfulling
Has stopped being parallel anymore
Each overlap the other
So it seems

I am now a man without direction
As i hang in limbo
Out of place out of sight
Killing my own life

Yet still thirsty for more

Oh Lord I pray to Thee
Show me the way
For I have reached my wits end
This confusion has stopped me from functioning

May I be blessed to know and accept what I cannot change and not waste my time and energy on it

May I be able to recognize what I must change and invest my all into that which deserves change therby making the world a better place

May I know the difference between what I cannot change and what I can so that I may seek help and gain strength to achieve what is necessary of me to fulfill

I know not now what deserves my effort for I have been blessed by Thee to act for You to enjoy for You and reap for Your mirth

Thee I am Oh Lord I am but Thee in Your maze called life

Show me the way

Om Tat Sat

Dawn

With the morning sun

Comes these thoughts

Waking into a world unknown

Yet with a lot of expectations

The sun brings cheer into the heart

Brightening the skies and the clouds

The known from the unknown

Yet there is a fear in the mind

The waters shine in the suns reflection

Mirroring the beautiful sky with it

In these waters life resumes

Expectant of the future

The wind kisses the waters

Pushing and shoving in places

The light breeze moving around

As though breathing around the waters

The winds push the fire blazing bright

From the pyres of yesteryears death

Feeding the fire with its freshness

Alive the flames lick the sky

I who am this witness

Watch in sorrow as my past dies

In the flames of knowledge

As this new reference dawns in me

Hopes there are in its millions

But they recede in respect to the elements

That flame the desires of life

In a mind tormented by fate

These thoughts that dawn today

In the flames of hope and fear

I wrought in me the faith

To live this life and endear

May this year bring peace

May there be love in all eyes

May there be success in all endeavours

May the fruits thereof be enjoyed